Lost Memories
by quintessence23
Summary: "I failed my mission in the arena, but I will fight hard to keep him alive this time. I will not fail. My Peeta has to get out of this hell." Peeta and Katniss are both taken by the Capitol after the arena blew out. Can they both survive? What will happen to the rebellion?
1. Prologue

**LOST MEMORIES**

**PROLOGUE**

* * *

"STOP!"

I've been screaming non-stop for what seemed like hours, but they never listened. Another crack of the whip came, spluttering more blood on the tiled floor.

"No!" I scream again, flinging my arms outward. _Why did they have to do this__? _I rattle the bars of my cell loudly. One Peacekeeper whipped his head in my direction, clearly annoyed.

Good.

"Let him go!" I shout at the top of my lungs. I can't take another minute of this. Tears filled my face, choking me, but I didn't care. I slapped my hands on the cold metal railings, hoping for some kind of superpower to tear it down.

"Take me! Stop hurting him! Take me!"

"Katniss, no..." He says weakly, blood trickling down his lips. He's sprawled on the floor now, his breathing heavy and raspy. His white shirt is stained with red, and it's almost completely torn now. The color from his face has drained since the whipping started, his usually peaceful expression replaced by pain.

I can't let them do this. I won't stop shouting and pleading with them until they've listened to me. The boy that I really, truly care about is slowly crumpling to pieces in front of me. My heart thumped painfully against my chest every time I see the whip being raised; every cry of agony piercing right through my core, blocking the air in my lungs.

He doesn't deserve this. My Peeta has to get out of this hell.


	2. Captured

_What will happen to the rebellion if both Katniss and Peeta are taken by the Capitol?_

**CHAPTER 1 **

* * *

**KATNISS**

I first became aware that I'm still alive when I felt the throbbing pain in my head and arms. It took some time to register, but when it eventually did, I can't focus on anything else. I slowly open my eyes, curiosity flooding me as I take in my surroundings. White walls, white ceiling, white tiles... everything. I know immediately that I'm lying on the floor; it's much too hard to be anything else. There's only a black, plastic mat underneath me.

_This must be a Capitol cell,_ I pondered. I didn't even have to think much about it, a Peacekeeper headed to my door (_or should I say rail__?_) as soon as the pieces clicked together. He entered my cell, leaving a plate of food on the floor before heading out again. I didn't bother to get up, dreading what was to come. I'm no idiot; I know exactly what will happen to me in the days or hours to come. I can only hope that they'll do it quickly, but I'm starting to really doubt that. The President will surely enjoy seeing me tortured.

I've known about the consequences of my actions, of course. I think I just hoped that I will die right then and there in the arena after I've destroyed the force field surrounding it. But alas, apparently I've done enough bad things to have my wish rejected. So now here I am...

The odds never seem to be in my favor.

_Oh well. I will not let them have the satisfaction of killing me, _I thought. I did I quick scan of my cell with my trained eyes, but there is nothing – _absolutely nothing – _in this damned room, except for the plastic mat that I'm lying on and a small rectangular box which I immediately recognized as a deck of cards.

_This must be their idea of a joke, _I thought bitterly. _Cards, really__? _A mangled laugh came out of my parched lips. Maybe their plan is to make me crazy, after all.

I thought of Prim and my mother. My dear, sweet Prim. Sadness overpowered me as I thought of how I will never be able to see her again. After the reaping, they didn't even give us the chance to say goodbye. How is she coping up now... are they even safe? Or did my little stunt at the arena get them punished as well? I gulped loudly, suddenly realizing how I have possibly harmed them with my impulsiveness. But Gale wouldn't let anything happen to them, right? I know he'd seen how I shot the force field, certain that he was still watching me every step of the way in the Quell. Surely, he'd have reacted quickly to that and thought of the consequences of my actions. Surely, he'd have dragged my family and his out of the district, into the woods.

They'll survive, if they were able to escape there. _If. _

I sigh. My family, Gale's, even Peeta's... what have I done to them? And then there's Peeta and Haymitch. _Did Peeta make it out alive__? How about Haymitch? _

I can't even have the dignity to kill myself; the President made sure of that. Anger washed through me. Maybe... if I taunt them real bad, maybe the Peacekeeper will be so pissed at me that he'll kill me in an instant.

That sounds like a plan.

_Will it work__? _I really don't have an idea, but I intend to implement it immediately, anyway. So I sit up, discovering how numb my body has been from lying too long – _how long have I been here__?_ – and take in the other half of my surroundings, the other half which I wasn't able to evaluate because that's where my head had been lying. I slowly make out the black, metal railings that form as my barrier from freedom. In front of my cell is another one that's completely identical to mine. And inside that cell is a hunched figure, still lying down on the ground.

I feel my breath hitch. That blonde hair... those muscular shoulders. Even the way he's hunched is very familiar to me. Those could only belong to one person. I move to the metal railing immediately, anxious to confirm or deny my speculation.

My eyes prick in the strangest way, my heart constricting against my chest. _Why him__? _I thought angrily. He needs to be freed, he doesn't deserve to pay for my actions.

"Peeta." I whispered, ignoring the pain in my arm as it grazed through the metal, directly in the area where Johanna stabbed me. "Peeta."

He began to stir at the sound of my voice, instinctively turning his head to the side the way he does when we slept beside each other. Confused, he sits straight up and looks around him before his blue eyes finally settles on my face. I see the way his face contorts to a painful expression when he realized where we are, but he immediately moves to the metal railings in his cell as well, extending an arm outside to hold mine. The aisle is narrow enough that our extended arms had no trouble meeting halfway. Our fingertips touched, and we stayed like that for a long moment.

"Katniss," he whispered.

"Peeta." I reply, tears springing to my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Peeta. This is my fault."

"Shh." Peeta says, his thumb gently rubbing my fingers. "It's not your fault Katniss. But enlighten me... I wasn't exactly sure what happened. Where are we?"

I laugh silently at him, the pain of seeing him locked up like me too unbearable. "I destroyed the arena. And... I don't know where we are either, but I'm guessing that we're in Snow's fortress."

"How did you destroy the arena? I only saw a bright spark in the sky, and then everything just exploded..." He trails off. "When I heard you scream in pain, I took off to look for you. I was so worried, Katniss." Pain shot through his eyes as he spoke, and he looks at me tenderly. "I shouted out your name, not even caring if the other tributes would hear me. At that moment, I just wanted to find you..."

"I know." I say, assuring him. "You shouldn't have done that, Peeta. It was stupid. You shouldn't risk your life for me."

"But you were doing the same. I heard you shout my name too."

"Your life is more important than mine." I whisper.

His eyes warm up at my words. "Then I should be saying the same to you. It was stupid, Katniss. Don't risk your life for me."

"You can't stop me."

He sighs. Peeta knows better than to try to dissuade me. "What happened to you and Johanna?"

I breathe deeply. "Brutus and Enobaria. They cut the wire. I was about to shoot them, but Johanna pinned me down and attacked me." I say, looking at the wound in my arm. "She cut me here, and she was straddling me... I can't get her off because I felt too weak. Then she ran away, and I looked for you. I heard Finnick's voice looking for us, but I hid from him..."

Peeta is slowly shaking his head. "I shouldn't have let them separate us."

"We were both wrong, Peeta. I shouldn't have let them do that too. But at that moment, refusing to follow their plan would give away too much of our plan to escape the alliance."

We were silent for a while, when he suddenly remembers something. "Why didn't you answer the last time I called your name?"

"I... I didn't want you near me, Peeta." I tell him silently. "I was trying to look for you, then I got back to the lightning tree and saw Beetee on the ground. He had the wire wrapped around a knife. At the last moment, I realized what he was trying to do. He pointed that out to me during training – the "chink in the armor" of the force field. Finnick saw me, and I was about to shoot him... but then he told me to remember who the real enemy is. I remember Haymitch saying that to me when we said goodbye. That's when it hit me. I impulsively wrapped the wire around my arrow and I let it fly..."

He absorbed this for a moment. "You destroyed the arena."

"Yes. I didn't want you near because I was so near the lightning tree. I was thinking of the worst case scenario. I didn't want you to die."

He breathed heavily. "I was so terrified when you didn't answer, Katniss. When I saw the spark in the sky, I was despaired at the thought of dying without seeing you again."

"It's my fault we're here now, Peeta. I'm really sorry. I was so stupid." The tears I've been holding out came rushing back to my eyes.

"Katniss." He says firmly. "Don't think that way. You're not stupid. It was a very bold thing to do. You fought for all of us. You saved my life. Again."

I didn't respond because I don't agree with him, but arguing won't get us anywhere. I myself don't know why I decided to do that. To defy the Capitol, yes. They're the "real enemy", after all. But it was mostly triggered by impulsiveness and the immediacy of the lightning which we knew would hit.

"I barely saved your life Peeta. We're captured. You know what that means."

He smiles sadly at this. "I know. I wonder where the other victors are. But you kept me alive in there. And I don't mind what will happen to me in here, as long as you're safe. "

_Why__? _I scream in my head. "Maybe they're somewhere in here too. Listen to me. I don't want you to risk your life for me, Peeta. It was my actions, I have to be the one to pay for it. Please." _Please don't make my task so difficult, Peeta. It's already hard enough as it is. I failed my mission in the arena; but I will fight hard to keep you alive this time. I will not fail. _

Peeta and I stayed holding each other's fingers for a long time. "We're in this together, Katniss. I won't let them hurt you." He says after a long time, breaking the silence between us.

"And I won't let them hurt you too, Peeta. I'd rather die than see you in pain."

"Don't speak like that. I'll get you out of here. Okay?"

I nod. "We will, Peeta. We're in this together."

We're both doomed. My intent to keep him alive is burning within me. The 75th Hunger Games is not yet over. In fact, it has only just begun.

* * *

**GALE**

Rage – that's all I feel right now as I pace back and forth. I clench and unclench my hands in an effort to keep calm, trying to steady the growing violence within me. _Breathe in, breathe out. Focus, _I told myself. I need all my focus now to create the game plan for Katniss's rescue. _Focus, Gale. _

They are all stupid. The plan could have been flawless: invade the Capitol, then go rescue Katniss in that damned arena. They knew exactly where she is, so how could things have gone badly? How were they able to rescue everybody else, but not Katniss?

"Gale." A voice booms behind me. It was quiet but authoritative. I whipped around to find Haymitch standing on the doorway.

"What?" I snapped at him. It is wrong, I know, to just put my anger on everyone else. But I can't help it. Not now, when we don't even have the slightest idea how Katniss is doing.

I can see his disapproving glare as I waited for him to answer. "Coin wants you in the meeting. Now."

"Will they be saying anything new, or even remotely useful?"

Haymitch sighed loudly. "I love Katniss too, you know. You're not the only one who's worried about her. There's her mother and Prim... and believe it or not, a lot other rebels would want to get her back. I'd do anything to have her here along with Peeta and the others. But you know how complicated the situation is. We can't just _force _them to do things, Gale. We have to be cooperative to make them listen to us more."

For the first time since I saw him, I look at Haymitch with respect and trust. I had always known him to be a drunkard, so seeing him now – sobered, and even more sane and focused than I am now – I know that what he speaks is true. He cares about Katniss, and we're on the same team now.

"Fine." I mutter sharply, trying to contain my anger at bay. _Focus. _I follow him out the doors and together, we walk silently down the hallways. I try to get a better view of what happened that day so I could be more logical and reasonable when I face the others, so I think back to those last few hours.

* * *

"_All ready__?__" Boggs, the head of the squad, asks in an authoritative voice._

"_Ready!" The entire squad, including me, replies. _

_Today is the assigned day that the rebels have chosen to attack the Capitol. The Games are already down to the final 7, and everyone can tell that it's not going to last much longer. Not with Beetee's plan to electrocute the others; which means that if it succeeds (and we will know after the lighting at 12 midnight), then the remaining tributes who are incidentally part of the alliance will battle it out. Except that Finnick, Johanna, and Beetee are all aware of the rebels' plans. All of them except Peeta and Katniss. _

_The attack was originally scheduled at a later date, but the unexpected deterioration in the number of tributes requires us to move at a faster pace. The rebels – composed mainly of the surviving people in District 13 and the other districts – planned to overthrow Snow while the Games are happening so that all the people are distracted. There are cons to this, of course. The entire rebel plan is risky; Snow can easily ask the Gamemakers to provide some force of nature to kill all the tributes in the arena. We all know how easily that can happen with a few buttons. A terrible earthquake perhaps, or a massive flood. Even worse, they can send something like those mutts in the 74th Games. Then it will all be over, and the people we want to rescue will be dead within a few minutes. _

_Today's timing became even more perfect after last night's events, when Peeta and Katniss talked on the beach. It was painstakingly difficult for me to watch. The look on Katniss's face and the way she kissed him... I can easily tell that there's something more to it for her other than an act. I saw it, of course, even back in the first games. But that kiss - it just seemed more intimate compared to the others. She fell for him, truly and fully. But that sentimental moment – broadcasted for the whole Panem to see – had touched the hearts of the Capitol people, much more when Peeta and Katniss started talking about the baby. The audience, as Haymitch witnessed, went berserk, and a lot of people marched towards Snow's mansion to demand that Katniss and Peeta be removed from the arena. Or be forced to win. But they soon reali__z__ed that they also can't let go of their beloved Finnick... or even Beetee. So they demanded for the Games to be stopped altogether. _

_Snow, of course, will not be happy with that. The Games is his form of control over the Districts, something to continuously remind us that he has the power over us. One mistake, and we're dead. Just like they did to District 13... except that District 13 wasn't really annihilated like they made us believe. _

_The Capitol audience's reaction gave the rebels the fuel it needs to easily make its way into the Capitol without being noticed. They actually camped outside Snow's mansion, waiting for his answer. Of course he'll say no, but I guess they don't reali__z__e that. Somehow, they are still under the impression that their President is democratic and all too willing to listen to their woes. And I doubt that they're asking for the stoppage of the Games entirely; they only want this specific game stopped because they've grown attached to their victors. Otherwise, they still find enjoyment in the blood and gore. _

_So Coin, the President of District 13, instructed the rebel forces to prepare to launch the attack, which will happen before the lightning strikes. We figured that Snow and the Gamemakers will be preoccupied in watching if the alliance's plan will fail or not. We skipped occupying the other Districts altogether, figuring out that if we get the Capitol now, the others will soon follow. After all, the Capitol is always the agenda. And now here we are in a hovercraft, preparing to overthrow Snow. _

_Inside, we continue to watch a live screening of the Games. We can see the five of them preparing the wire in the tree. The others – Brutus, Enobaria, and Chaff, are wandering aimlessly in the arena, but Brutus and Enobaria are roaming together. I watch as Katniss and Johanna are instructed to take down the wire to the lake and be back as soon as possible, before the lightning strikes the tree. _

"_Soldiers, prepare for take down." I hear the pilot's voice boom in the speakers. _

_All of us prepare our gears and less than a minute later, we are directed to exit the plane. I take one last look at the Games – in time to see Katniss and Peeta have a parting kiss. I turn away almost immediately, regretting my decision to check on her before I go to battle. It still hurts, no matter how many times I've already seen them do it. But like the idiot that I am, I continue to have an eye on her even though it's already a bit too late to make her heart change. _

_When we arrived, everything just came too easily. Instead of coming stealthily, we decided to directly invade the mansion, surrounding it with forces so that the Peacekeepers will not be able to prevent us anymore. _

"_Shoot any Peacekeepers, take down as much as you can! The more, the better for us, since Snow will not have reinforcements anymore. Try to avoid killing civilians. We don't want casualties." Boggs instructs us through our earpiece. _

_The others are assigned to take the perimeter, while I'm involved in the group that comes directly inside the mansion to capture Snow. When we get inside, we move through the hallways with such precision. We have memori__z__ed this place through a hologram, which was set up with the help of the spies. I scan every door inside, but we come up with nothing. I curse silently as I came to a sudden reali__z__ation. _

_Snow had escaped. _

_How can that happen__?__ How can he escape so suddenly when our attack had been a surprise and our forces had surrounded the entire area__? Could there be an underground passage in here that he used? And if so, how many forces does he have with him, and where will he go?_

"_He escaped." I tell Boggs angrily. _

"_He did. I don't see how that happened." _

"_Underground, most probably. We need to track him down." _

_Boggs communicuff started beeping with a red light to show that the alert is important. I look at him, worried, as he spoke to the person on the other end. Who could it be? _

_When he finished speaking, Boggs looked at me with a stern expression. "The group's plan failed. Brutus and Enobaria came across the wire, and they saw Johanna and Katniss rolling it down." My stomach churns as he narrated. This cannot be good. "We're sending an emergency rescue team to them now. If Snow escaped, the other Gamemakers would have left the arena alone already." _

_I nodded as the news settled in. "We need to get them out now. The group. But what about the others? They're from 2, I don't think they're trustworthy." _

"_I know." Boggs answers. "But we're still getting them out as prisoners. We have to get back to the hovercraft now. Once the group is rescued, we have to return to 13 immediately, before Snow is able to make a counter-attack." _

_We move swiftly through the maze of Snow's mansion. I look around the hovercraft to see that everyone's back in place. One look at the scene before us shows that the entire Capitol is in chaos. _

_We keep watching the arena through the live screen, but the images are jumping wildly from one tribute to another, providing only a fifteen-second coverage for each. _

"_The Gamemakers still have access to the arena." I say, panicked. _

"_They must have a portable computer for it. For emergency purposes." Boggs replies. _

"_But they can do anything to them now!" _

"_Possibly. But we're on our way to rescue them already. We just have to get there before they do anything."_

_The screen first shows Johanna running through the trees, and she's being chased by Enobaria. Then it moves to a footage of Peeta, who is searching wildly in the woods, probably for Katniss. Then there's Finnick running in the trees, saying Johanna and Katniss's name in a hushed voice. The camera finally zooms in on Katniss as she's near Finnick – but she's hiding from him, clutching her arm to her body. There's blood on her face. _

"_Who attacked Katniss?" I demanded loudly. _

"_Johanna pinned her down and cut the tracker in her arm. It's a smart move, actually, but the consequence is that Katniss got injured." A small guy called Holden says. _

"_Smart move? Are you kidding me?" I nearly shout, standing up from my chair._

_Boggs keeps a restraining arm on my shoulder. "Gale. It won't do any good to get into a fight with him now. We're near the arena, we need to focus." _

_I struggle to keep my breathing steady and lock my eyes on the screen again. Peeta and Katniss are both shouting each other's names, clearly indicating their intent: save the other. We have just reached the arena, the entire squad alert for incoming Capitol attacks. We hear the thunder inside the arena, and we all know what will follow soon after. The lightning came almost immediately. _

_All of a sudden, bits and pieces of what seemed like glass exploded from below. I look back at the screen frantically in time to see Katniss falling backward on the ground. _

_"What happened?" I shout. _

_"The arena blew up!" Someone answers. I look to Boggs for confirmation, and his eyes are grave with worry. I immediately know without asking who did it, because only one weapon alone can do that. It's easy to guess what happened - Katniss knows about the force field, and she probably attached the wire to her arrow. The lightning provided the force she needs to break the protective sheath of the arena. But why? Why did she do that? She didn't know anything about the rebels' plan! _

_"Hurry! We have to get them before the Capitol comes to attack us!" Boggs says. "Finnick, Katniss, and Peeta are near the lightning tree. Drop the dippers! Remember, Katniss and Peeta are the priorities!" _

_Everything passed by in a blur. I hurry to the monitors, directing the pilot on where to drop the dipper. I search frantically for Katniss. That's when I see it. _

_Another hovercraft materialized a few feet away, taking Peeta with them. _

_"Shit." I muttered. "They got Peeta!"_

_Boggs try to keep a calm demeanor, but I can easily see the panic in his eyes. "Move faster! The Capitol hovercraft is hear! Grab whoever is nearby!" _

_Our hovercraft moved around the arena, and when the dipper is raised, I see Finnick's limp body being lowered on the floor. The Capitol hovercraft is now lifting another body from the arena. _

_Katniss. _

_"They already got Katniss!" I shout, rage filling me. "How can they be so much more efficient than us!" I demand. _

_"The tributes have trackers on their arm. The Gamemakers are probably there on that hovercraft so they know exactly where each of the tributes are. We have to go! They'll be launching an attack soon!" Boggs says. "We can't stay here longer!" As if on cue, a barrage of missiles erupts from the Capitol hovercraft, missing us by just a few inches. _

_"But they got Katniss! We have to track them down!" _

_"Gale, we have to focus on the safety of the entire squad first. We'll all be dead if we follow it, and the rebellion will go down!" _

_I hate his words, but I know that it's true. I scowl, not wanting to accept that we failed our mission of saving her. _

_"Turn back around, we have to get back to the mansion now!" Boggs shouts to the pilot. "Gale, we'll plan a rescue mission for them later. Stay calm." _

_I collapse back on the chair. They have her. We all know what that could mean, even more so since she destroyed the arena. As if she needed another reason for Snow to hate her. She's as good as dead. _

_"Damn it!" I shout, punching the wall. _

_No one dares to come to me or to tell me to stop. They stay silent, because they all know how this failure will affect us all._

* * *

_Author's note:_

_Hello guys! Thank you for taking the time to read my story, please leave comments! More surprises will follow, I promise. _

_XX_


	3. First Wave

**CHAPTER 2**

* * *

**KATNISS**

I drifted in and out of consciousness for who knows how long. I've completely lost track of time now, there aren't even windows in our cells to see if it's night or day. My arm is beginning to feel sore from being squished between the rails for too long, but I refuse to let go. I don't ever want to let go of Peeta's touch. Somehow, even this simple gesture keeps me calm. I stare at his face now. Peeta looks so peaceful in his sleep; all signs of worry completely wiped off his features for the time being. I like seeing him like this; I like protecting him.

_How will I get him out of here__? _I wonder idly. _Surely, there must be even a small strip of chance, right__?__ I just have to wait for the perfect timing. _

The sound of footsteps interrupted the silence around us, and I cock my head to the left in anticipation of the Peacekeepers. Maybe they've brought us our meal now, like they always do once in a while. Earlier, I considered ignoring the food they give us, thinking that starving will be a better way to die than to endure the torture that is sure to happen to us. But I reject the idea quickly, because how will I make Peeta escape when I'm weak from starvation? That plan will do once Peeta is out of Snow's grasp, but for now, I just have to remain strong.

Perhaps I may not even be able to think of a plan at all, but I'm not about to give up and accept this fate for Peeta. If I failed in the arena, then I'll make sure to get him out _alive _this time. The tricky part is not actually the fact that I'll have to actually know where we are and make an escape plan, but rather how to make Peeta agree to go out of this hell without me. I know him – he's probably having the same thoughts as I am now. So how will I make Peeta agree to go with my plan?

I remember that time in the first arena when he refused to make me go to the feast to get him the medicine he desperately needs, and I drugged him just so I can do what I want. However, the difference between then and now is that I had Haymitch and the sponsors to help me in that arena, whereas now, I'm completely alone. _Or am I__?__ Maybe I can connive with someone here to get them to help me... _

But of course that would be asking way too much. Even in my wildest dreams, I don't think it will happen.

Two Peacekeeper appears in my line of vision, and I stare at them as one came inside Peeta's cell while the other came inside mine. My instincts tell me that something is wrong. This_ is different, _I think. _They don't even have our food with them, so they're here for something else. _My stomach churns. _Is this it? Are the tortures coming now? But I can't let them hurt Peeta! _

"What do you want?" I ask the Peacekeeper. Peeta's awake now after he heard the rail of his cell opening.

"The President wants to see you." The Peacekeeper replies in a stern voice.

"You make it sound like as if we have a choice." I mutter sarcastically.

"Katniss..." Peeta says, warning me.

My mind is working rapidly now; this could be the chance that I'm waiting for. Getting out of these cells gives me the opportunity to see what it's like outside - the layout of the cells, for one, and some of the twists and turns of this place. I look at Peeta who is now staring at me warily.

"Don't worry, I'll cooperate." I tell the Peacekeeper. I need to behave as best I can; I know that he can easily sedate me to make me go to the President if I start to complain. But I can't be sedated - I need to be very aware once they take me out of here.

The Peacekeeper binds my hands and feet in metal cuffs. Peeta's already taken out of his cell, and the Peacekeeper with him is starting to drag him away. As much as I want to hold him already, I feel a bit relieved that we're not walking out side-by-side. I'm certain that Peeta will notice what I'm doing, and I can't afford that now. He can't know about my plans to get him out of here.

A few moments later, the Peacekeeper leads me out of my cell. My eyes start looking around, the hunter in me prevailing. The aisle where they're keeping us is narrow and long, and at the end of it is a door that opens through a card. The hallways are more bright and wide outside, and instead of cells, there are only closed doors. The end branches in two directions, but the Peacekeeper guides me to turn right. I try to make sense of where we are; this doesn't seem like the President's mansion or the training centers. But of course, that is to be expected. Snow is not an idiot to keep us in places that are too easy to find. We enter the second door at the right which is opened by the same card, but instead of opening, a small screen appears with a bunch of numbers. I watch intently as the Peacekeeper discreetly types the code: 3750257.

_3750257, _I repeat the code over and over in my head while we walk. We stop at the end of a door in the hallway. There are no cards or passcodes for this one - but I notice that the lock is placed outside. It's a place they can conveniently lock us in.

Peeta is already sitting inside the room while the Peacekeeper who brought him in is situated in the wall beside the door. The room is bare except for a large desk and chairs at the center. His eyes light up as he sees me enter the room.

"Katniss!" He says, rushing forward to meet me.

Despite our current situation, I can't help but feel glad. "Peeta!" My feet lurch forward to greet him halfway. Our bodies collide, and his cuffed hands stretch upward and under to envelop me in his strong arms. I relish the moment, knowing how much I miss his embraces. I keep my head in his chest, feeling the tears spring to my eyes. But I refuse to let it fall; I don't want our audience to see my weakness even though at this point in time it may already be too obvious. I feel sad that I can't hug him back because the restraints in my arm prohibit me from doing so. I inhale his scent deeply, missing everything about him dearly, and I smile as I feel him tighten his arms around me.

"I missed you," I whisper.

"I missed you too, Katniss." He whispers in my ear. I look up at his face and see that his eyes are also watery. I don't hesitate to lean forward to kiss him, moaning lightly as I feel his warm lips caress mine. I didn't care that there are two other people in the room to witness this; all I care about at this moment is that he's still okay, and the feel of his body against mine. Our kiss is short but passionate, it's full of sorrow and desperation. _I need to get him out of here. I will get him out, _I promise myself.

"What a sweet sight to come to."

I look away from Peeta to see that President Snow has already entered the room. Under other circumstances and if it's not Snow, I probably would have blushed and looked away. Peeta removes his arm around me and positions himself between me and the President. I stand rigidly and stare at Snow who now has a sly smile on his face.

"The Peacekeepers said you want to meet with us." I start.

"Yes. Perhaps you'd like to sit first." Snow answers, gesturing towards the chairs.

Peeta and I look warily at each other before slowly taking our seats. Snow seems pleased that we are being cooperative.

"Let's make an agreement. You'll be honest with me, and I'll treat you dearly. Understood?"

I avoid looking into Peeta's eyes. I know exactly where this is leading - Snow will want to talk about that last day in the arena.

"Understood." I reply. Peeta says the same.

"I will be very blunt with you. Ms. Everdeen, I did not like your stunt. So tell me, why did you blow up the arena?"

_We're off to a bad start. _If I were alone, I will just easily spit in his face and let him do what he wants with me. The sooner I'm dead, the better. But for now, I still have to protect Peeta so I have to be patient and act like I didn't mean to do any harm.

"I wasn't planning on it." I begin. "I was trying to figure out what Beetee wanted to do with the wire, and it just sort of clicked together. If I can go back in time, I will certainly not do that. I should have thought it through."

Snow is looking at me intently. "It's a little too late for that, though. And you, Peeta? Did you have any idea of what Katniss will do at that time?"

"No. We were focused on Beetee's plan to electrocute the others. After that, we plan to go off on our own because we know that the alliance will turn to kill us first once all the other tributes are dead." Peeta answers.

"Let's quit the lies, shall we?" Snow retorts.

"We're not lying." I say firmly.

"Yes you are, Ms. Everdeen. You two are just so lucky that we picked you up, though I must add that we're almost too late. Don't bother protecting the rebels, because if they really care about you, they would have gotten you by now."

_Rebels? _What is Snow trying to say? My mind suddenly wanders to my last day in the woods of District 12 - the time where I met the two people from District 8. I remember how they told me of District 13 and how it's not really annihilated. Is that what they are, rebels? I suppose that's what they're called because they went against the system, but isn't that what I'm trying to do when I destroyed the force field in the arena? And before that, I planned to escape our district and bring our families in the woods. So I'm a rebel myself, too.

"Rebels?" Peeta asks aloud, clearly confused. I look directly at Snow, waiting for his answer.

"I suggest that you two quit the act now." Snow says, his voice rising. "What do you know about the rebels?"

"We know nothing." I answer.

Snow stands from his seat and slaps me hard across the face. I can see Peeta's eyes widen but I warn him with my eyes to not do anything stupid. For the first time, I see his face register anger, his soft blue eyes transforming into a look of rage. My hands itch to make contact with Snow's face. I ball them into tight fists, not wanting to make our situation worse than it already is.

"We agreed that you will be honest. Now, tell me. What do you know about the rebels?"

"I have nothing to tell you because that's the truth. We don't know anything!" I say loudly. My temper is already fading now.

"She's telling the truth. Please. We really have nothing to tell." Peeta adds.

Snow looks at the two of us. "I'll brief you on a few things. The rebels attacked the Capitol on the day that you blew up the arena. We had an escape plan, so of course I was able to leave with a few key people. The rebels went to the arena - to pick you and the remaining tributes, I guess - and that's when the force field blew." My mouth popped open. I honestly don't know all about that, but I can easily guess what he's thinking now. That it was all planned. The President thinks that I blew up the arena to give the rebels easy access to us, so that they won't have to tear it down themselves. There's no way he's going to believe it was all a coincidence.

"Frankly, I don't see how all of those things could be a coincidence." Snow continues, confirming my thoughts. "So perhaps you'd like to spare yourself some trouble and give me the information that I need."

"Katniss didn't plan it!" Peeta exclaims. I look at him, shocked. _What is he doing! _"Didn't you see what happened before that? Johanna cut her arm! Do you think she planned for herself to be cut as well?"

"That could easily be an unfortunate turn of events. She may not be expecting that one, but she definitely turned back around to go back to the lightning tree. She knows what will happen." Snow argues.

"I don't. I had no idea about the rebels' plan. I didn't even know that there were rebels!"

Snow doesn't look convinced. "Take her to the chamber. Bring the boy back to his cell." He says before walking out of the room.

"No! What are you going to do to her?" Peeta shouts.

I breathe deeply as the Peacekeepers walk toward us. _At least it's not him that they're going to torture. I can live with that. But Peeta can't keep on shouting like that, it will draw Snow's attention to him. "_Peeta, I'm okay. Don't resist, okay? I'll see you later." I tell him as firmly as I can.

"Katniss!" Peeta continues as the Peacekeeper grabs his arm and yanks him towards the door. He is out of sight before I can even respond.

The Peacekeeper assigned to me drags me out as well, leading me to the door opposite the one we came in to. The only object in the room is a huge floor-to-ceiling tube at the far end attached to a machine. The Peacekeeper places me inside. Snow enters a few minutes later.

"Well, Ms. Everdeen. You refused to follow our deal so you can expect me to treat you the same way."

I just stare at him, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me scared.

"You really don't know anything about the rebels?" He begins.

"No."

"Do you consider yourself a rebel?"

"No."

"Then why did you take out the berries in the first arena?"

"I answered that numerous times. I can't bear the thought of living without Peeta."

Snow looks pointedly at the Peacekeeper, who then turns to the machine and presses a few buttons. I brace myself for the torture.

Five seconds later, gas radiates from the top of the tube. When it finally reached me, I discover that it gives an awful sensation of being burned alive. I close my eyes thinking that it may cause blindness, and bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from screaming. I start counting in my head. I reach fifteen when I feel that the gas is gone. I hear Snow's voice again.

"We both know it's an act. You were doing it to save your own life. You even lied about your pregnancy! Did you do that to stir the Capitol's hatred? The boy certainly knows how to make trouble."

I slowly open my eyes to look at him, coming to a sudden realization that Peeta has already done something that shouts rebellion.

"Peeta only wants to keep me alive. He didn't know anything about the rebellion."

Silence. The gas starts again, this time lasting for a full minute. By the time that it's over, I was crouched on the ground, catching my breath. The gas makes it difficult to breathe - it burns my throat and lungs as I inhale it. When I open my eyes again, I see that blisters have formed; very much like the ones I got from the poisonous gas in the second arena.

"But then you started talking about the baby on that beach, and the Capitol audience went _wild_." Snow continues, emphasizing the last word. "They marched to the mansion and demanded that they take you out. I must say, you two make a good pair of actors."

"This seems more like a list of my crime than an interrogation." I state.

"Only because you refuse to tell me the truth."

"I'm telling you the truth!" I scream, finally losing my temper. He doesn't care about the truth; he only wants to see me crumble. It could be his idea of a revenge.

Snow chuckles. Another full-minute torture with the gas. I'm down on the ground now, my eyes tearing out. My head starts to throb.

"That's it for today. You might want to change your mind next time I ask you. Cooperate, Ms. Everdeen. It will set you free."

Just as I thought it's over, water comes pouring out. They may mean well - like my experience in the arena, this can remove my blisters - but it's still a torture. This time, I am not able to stop myself from screaming anymore.

Peeta's waiting for me when I am brought back to my cell. He looks warily at me then extends his arm to the ground. I want nothing more than to lay down and sleep, but I find myself crawling to Peeta and meeting his fingers halfway.

"What did they do to you?" He demands.

"Snow just asked me the same things. He also asked me if we intended to lie about the baby so that the audience will turn against him. I'm fine."

"You're not. Don't lie to me, Katniss."

I look at him blankly. "I'm tired of hearing that." I answer. Snow kept on repeating it when he asked me for information. "Just believe me when I say I'm fine, okay?"

His fingers grip mine harder. "I'm so sorry I wasn't able to protect you, Katniss. Again."

"You couldn't have done anything about it, Peeta. Please don't think about it too much. I'm really fine. Can we sleep already?"

His eyes are still filled with worry, and it's intently studying me now so I do my best to evade his stares. I find a comfortable position on the floor so that I'm laying down with my fingers still attached to his. My body feels more tired than it has ever been before.

_Tomorrow is another day. _

Unconsciousness enveloped me soon afterwards.


	4. Declaration

_"My declaration has unleashed the long-contained emotions in me, and though I feel vulnerable at once, I don't care."_

* * *

**CHAPTER 3**

* * *

**KATNISS**

Snow brought me back to the chamber room for the next five days. At least, that's what I assume as I've taken the habit of counting the days based on he meals we are given, which is twice a day. I still don't say anything to him because really, what is there to tell? My body's deteriorating rapidly from the excessive torture I've been experiencing. Peeta keeps on questioning me every time I'm returned to my cell, but I never tell him anything. I don't want him to feel that he needs to do something to save me. I know Peeta; he will try to do whatever he can to spare me from the tortures even if it costs him his own life. But he doesn't understand - if he gets hurt or dies, I'll never be okay. I will never be able to live with that. And between the two of us, he's the one who deserves to live.

"Katniss, please tell me what's going on." He pleads with me one night.

"There's nothing for me to tell, Peeta."

"Katniss..."

"I'm fine. They're just questioning me again." I reply, sounding indifferent.

"Look at yourself, Katniss. You're getting thinner. And don't get me started on the bags under your eyes and the way I've seen you walk recently."

_Damn it, why does he have to know me so well?_ He can see through my lies, but he will not be able to squeeze the truth from me. I hate lying to him, but it's necessary to keep him safe. "It's just that I don't have much appetite. And I get nightmares, you know that."

He sighs. I know he gets frustrated when I keep things from him, but he never pushes me otherwise.

I hear footsteps in the hallway a few minutes later. Peeta looks at me with his eyebrows raised, worry written all over his face. I stare at the floor dreadfully in a feeble attempt to avoid his gaze. _They can't bring me back there immediately, can they? _I have not yet fully recovered from the others, much more the last one. I close my eyes, terrified to go back to the chamber room and not wanting Peeta to see how I feel.

I brace myself to be dragged back to the chamber, trying to focus on breathing so that I can look at Peeta with confidence later when I'm walked out the hallway. I don't want him to worry. When the footsteps come close and I hear the rattling of _another _cell bars, my eyes snap open immediately. The Peacekeepers are in front of our cells, but instead of going to mine, they turn to open Peeta's. The wheels in my brain started kicking. That's when I notice that one of them is holding handcuffs and a whip. I am on my feet in an instant.

"What are you going to do to Peeta!" I shout hysterically, pounding on the metal bars to get their attention. "You're in the wrong cell! I'm here! Get out of there!"

"Katniss, please." Peeta says, warning me. He speaks in a steady voice, but panic is evident in his clear blue eyes. One Peacekeeper places his hands in the cuffs while the other gets the whip. My heart thumped painfully in my chest. _No, please no..._

"Don't resist, or you'll end up getting worse." The Peacekeeper who binded him says.

"No! Don't do that to him!" I scream again. Peeta stands still, his eyes fixed in a faraway distance to avoid my gaze. Tears fall freely from my eyes. Snow is trying to break me, and right now he has found the perfect way to do it.

The Peacekeeper raised the whip and I gasp as I hear it make contact with Peeta's back. His body bended only slightly forward. He doesn't scream, but I can see pain etched on his face. Blood spluttered on the white tiled floor almost immediately. My eyes prick in the strangest manner, dread filling my body. Another crack of the whip came.

"Stop! Please stop!" I scream again.

They don't listen. The Peacekeeper whipped Peeta a few more times until he finally fell down on his knees. "Peeta, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I whisper as I slump on the ground too.

"I'm fine, Katniss." He replies weakly, looking at me. "Don't worry..."

His eyes have an agonized look in them, his breaths coming in short pants. I know all too well that he's only trying to look strong for my sake. The Peacekeeper kept on whipping Peeta until he lay facedown on the ground, but Peeta stood back up again. This continued until Peeta can barely stand up, but he does so anyway.

"Stop!" I scream for the thousandth time. My hands reach outward in a futile attempt to reach Peeta. I rattle the bars of my cell loudly. What will make them stop? His dead body? They must know that I won't let it come to that. I scan my brain frantically, trying to find the answers. But there is no time to think. I scream again in desperation.

"Let him go! Stop hurting him! Take me! I'll do anything you want!"

"I'll take your word for it, Ms. Everdeen."

I have been too preoccupied in forcing them to stop hurting Peeta that I didn't notice President Snow who is already standing in the narrow hallway, watching the scene before him with an amused look on his face. Anger boiled in my veins at the sight of him.

"That's enough for now. Take him to Ms. Everdeen's cell, they can stay together for now." Snow orders before turning around to leave.

"You son of a bitch! I'll kill you! I'll kill you for this!" I didn't care whether he heard me or not. Snow had crossed his boundaries the momenthe decided to hurt Peeta.

The Peacekeepers roughly drag Peeta's limp body, removing his cuffs as he is brought to my cell. I rush forward to him, gently holding his arms and guiding him to lay facedown on my plastic mat. He seems ready to pass out. I touch his soft blonde hair, tears continuing to fall down my eyes. I failed him again.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta." I whisper as I carefully remove his tattered shirt to examine his wounds. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." It's worse up close, and I almost gag at the sight of it. I force myself to remain calm. This reminds me so much of the time when we took Gale home after he was whipped at the square. Peeta's wound is so much worse than that. I try to remember what my mother and Prim did to fix Gale's wounds. Unfortunately, we don't have anything in here, not even bandages or a clean cloth. I try to improvise instead, so I remove my shirt and use it to clean his wounds. He winces in pain, but his eyes remain closed.

"I'm sorry!" I say every time I see his face contort in agony.

His eyes blink open to stare at me. He forces a smile out despite his condition and extends his arm to caress my face. "Shh. It's okay. It's over. I'm still alive." He whispers, wiping the tears from my eyes.

_Peeta._ He's the one in despair and yet he's the one consoling me, when it should be the other way around.

"Rest now." I order as I carefully plant a kiss on his lips. "Your body needs it."

He doesn't need to be told twice. The beating has drained him of his strength, and he fell asleep almost at once. I sit beside him, caressing his face just as I did Gale's. Only, now I'm thinking how stupid I have been before to be confused about my feelings for this man. I'm not Gale's or anyone else's - I belong only to Peeta, my boy with the bread.

My hands are red and slightly sore from slapping the metal bars earlier, but I don't really care. The resentment that I have at Snow and the Peacekeepers who did this to him is still taking up a large part of my mind. But there's also something inside - _desperation? Worry? _- as I watch Peeta's back rise and fall with every breath. I can feel the tears fall down again.

_What is wrong with me? _I resolved that I will not cry ever since my father's death, and I have always kept up a strong front as I grew up. I am always good at hiding my emotions, so why am I crying now? Why are the defenses that I've built for so long suddenly crashing to pieces? There's no doubt that I've let my wall down to Peeta, and as I realize this, another feeling washes through me; the force so strong that it hiked my breaths and made my heart race. _Is this it? Is this what people call love?_ The protectiveness I feel towards him; my willingness to risk my life to save his; the happiness that I have every time we're together; the satisfaction that I have as he wraps around me; the sense of security that I have in his presence... _Are those indexes to love?_

"I love you," I whisper to him, testing the words in my tongue while taking advantage of this time that he is still asleep. I wait for the anxiety attack that always follows any thought of commitment, but to my surprise, nothing came. Instead, I feel relief spread through my entire being as I said the words out loud. I marvel at the good feeling. For a long time since my father died, this is the best that I've ever felt. Peeta has freed me of my restraints, and I can't help but smile as I realize how true this is. My declaration has unleashed the long-contained emotions in me, and though I feel vulnerable at once, I don't care. I welcome the feeling for the first time in my life.

Only, my Peeta has to survive this. And I'll do anything to make sure it turns that way.

* * *

**GALE**

It has been almost two weeks now since the rebels occupied the Capitol. Two weeks trying to regulate things in the districts, and two weeks without any news about Katniss. I storm towards the meeting room where President Coin and the others are. As I enter the room, I find that I'm the last one to arrive. All of them - the President, Boggs, Plutarch Heavensbee, Haymitch, Finnick, and Enobaria - have already taken their places. I take the empty seat in between Enobaria and Haymitch.

"Do we have any leads now?" I ask as soon as I settle on my seat. They all know that I'm not talking about the districts.

Coin purses her lips at my bluntness. "We'll get to that."

"How long does it really take for us to track them? We don't have a _single _clue! How difficult can that be with all our equipment?" I demand. My outbursts are starting again even though I haven't even been here for one minute, and while I know that this will not really do me any good, I still continue. I get really irritated that they don't seem to take this matter seriously.

"Gale, as I said, we'll get to that. We have other pressing matters to discuss." Snow says.

I look at her inquisitively. _What is wrong with her? Doesn't she see the danger of losing Katniss and Peeta? _I may have a strong disliking for the boy, but if they were to rescue Katniss, then that means that I'll have to set aside my differences towards him. Peeta and Katniss - well known as the star-crossed lovers to all of Panem - are the magnets that keep this rebellion going. If Snow kills them (come to think of it, we don't even know if they're alive or not!), the rebellion will most likely fall apart.

"How can you say that? Don't you see that we need them for the rebellion? For the districts to stick together? I don't see what else can be more important than rescuing them."

"Peeta and Katniss are a priority, of course" Boggs interrupts. "But we also have to keep the districts calm, especially One and Two. If we don't, then we'll have an even harder time looking for them."

"Or how about we look for Katniss and Peeta, show them to the districts, and get the results we want?" I argue. I can see Boggs' face wrinkle at my words; he knows that I'm right.

"Silence!" Coin orders in a loud voice. "We will talk about calming District One first. Gale, you'll go to District One to help calm the situation there."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I'm not giving you a choice. It's an order. You will go there first thing tomorrow morning. Out of all the districts, we need One and Two to cooperate as they are the closest supporters of the Capitol. Even you should see how important this is. We'll talk about the rescue when you've finished your mission there successfully."

I stay on my seat, fuming. Coin seems so intent on delaying the rescue. She set me up in that kind of trap so that I won't be able to argue my point anymore. I clench my fists to try to control my temper. Enobaria smirks beside me, while Haymitch, who I've thought will be the one person who should understand my arguments the most, remains silent. _This is getting nowhere._

"I'll do my part, but be sure to do yours." I tell Coin as I stand from my seat. Everyone looks at me in shock, surprised that I have the guts to speak like this to the President. "As soon as I get back, I want us to focus on the rescue. District Two can wait; they can be contained."

Coin looks at me with a menacing look in her eyes. I know that she's unhappy that I can disrespect her in front of these people, but at the same time, I can also sense her happiness that she's able to control me. _Again._ I stalk to the door and head out of the room in frustration. Two can play at a game.

I walk in the hallways with my head held down, not caring where I'm going. Two weeks is such a long time. If Snow is torturing them, I'm certain that Katniss is already so beat up by now. That or... _no. I won't even consider that._

"Gale!" A soft voice behind me says. I'd know this voice from anywhere; I've spent many months looking after them too. To me, they're also family.

"Hey, Prim." I answer, turning around and looking straight into her blue eyes. I force a smile out of my face.

"Any news?" She asks. Prim tries to make it sound casual but I know her so well that I can clearly hear the anxiety in her voice.

I try to mask my anger. I never really lie to Prim; but I try to shield her from the awful truth too because I know that that's what Katniss would want me to do. "None still. But we're working on it."

The corners of Prim's mouth turns down. "Hey." I whisper, crouching down in front of her to look her in the eyes. "I'll do anything to get her back here, okay? That's a promise."

Prim nods. "I know. I'm just... sad. Mom is too, even though she's trying to hide it. Sometimes I hear her cry at night. We don't even know what's happening to them. I miss her."

"Your sister is strong. She'll get through this."

She smiles a little, but it doesn't reach her eyes. For a girl her age, Prim surely has gone through a lot. Katniss may have protected her from the reaping and the Hunger Games, but she can never shield Prim from the awful consequences such as this one. I observe that she has even grown mature and lady-like. Her thoughts and actions are so collected that you'll have to doubt if she's really only 12 years old.

"Do you think they're okay?"

I stare at her for a long time, trying to weigh my answer. I can be very blunt about it, but how will that affect Prim? Lying, however, is not an option. But how much should I tell her, really?

"Please don't worry about my feelings. I want your honest thoughts." Prim tells me as she sees the confusion in my eyes.

"You are quite perceptive, aren't you?" I whisper as I try to collect my thoughts. "Well... to be honest, I'm very worried. We haven't heard anything from them yet and we don't even have a clue about their whereabouts. I fear that Snow is torturing them to get information about the rebels. But I'm hoping that they're alive, Snow needs them to gain leverage against us."

Prim nods solemnly as I speak the words. Her eyes betray her calm demeanor - they are filled with fear and sadness. "Thank you, Gale. I know you're doing everything for her." She says, hugging me tightly. "I have to go, I might be needed at the hospital."

"Okay. Take care, Prim. I'll update you if there's something new."

"Thanks." She says again before turning around to head to the hospital. Prim is an admirable little girl; she has taken so much after her older sister, maybe even more. She's strong enough to remain whole after Katniss was sent _twice _to the Hunger Games; she's genuinely devoted to helping others even if it's at her own risk; and she has an easygoing nature and optimistic attitude that draws people towards her. Katniss will be so proud of her.

* * *

**KATNISS**

I awake to the sound of Peeta's labored breathing beside me. Not that I have slept much; I have been so worried about Peeta that I kept an eye on him all night. And when I doze off, the nightmares make certain that I don't get any rest. Peeta must be so exhausted after the beating that even my screams don't wake him up. At first it makes me panic, but one look at the steady (albeit slow) rise and fall of his back and a quick check of his pulse and my muscles begin to relax a tiny bit.

I stare at his face now, tired even in his sleep, all images of being calm thrown out haphazardly. He must be in so much pain right now, so I don't dare to wake him up. I know it would be difficult to get by especially without medicines, and I actually fear that he might not make it at all without it. A few hours ago, I found out that he is burning with fever. It brought back images of our first Games, the one where he got blood poisoning, and I was scrambling up ways to cure him. I need to get him treatment. I braved the feast before to get that medicine; I can do it again now.

The Peacekeeper who beat Peeta yesterday strolls in our cell just then, and I quickly put myself in a defensive stance in front of Peeta. My hands ball at my sides, my eyes firing up in hatred. He may only be taking orders, but _he _was the one who physically hurt Peeta and seemed to enjoy it, so my anger is directed at him too. A scowl forms on my lips. If there's absolutely anything in here that I can use as a weapon, I would gladly use it on him. But there's no point now, because I'm weaponless and there's no way I'm going to aggravate Snow with my actions. He might take it out on Peeta again.

The Peacekeeper's eyebrows quirk up, amusement lighting his face as he places the plates of food before me. I eye him warily, my muscles strained until I am satisfied that he is not really going to get Peeta again. I can't take any more of that. He is out our cell and about to turn away when a sudden thought hits me.

"Wait!" I cry to him. He turns around to look at me inquisitively, waiting for me to speak up. "I need to see President Snow."

The corners of his mouth twitches up, and it takes all of my willpower not to shout profanities at him. "I don't think it's necessary for you to set an appointment. He wants to see you. I'll collect you as soon as I get instructions."

I nod, watching him as he goes away. _Of course. _President Snow would want to see me - he must be mighty satisfied with himself after his little show yesterday. Well, I am not pleased. I'll play his game if that's what it takes to get Peeta out of this hellhole.

I take my place beside Peeta, collecting my thoughts as I gently touch his soft blond hair. Snow will be asking me again about the rebels, no doubt about that. This time, however, I need to say something if I don't want to risk Peeta's life again. Especially now, when he's still too weak from yesterday. I know that after last night's revelation about my feelings for him, I will not be able to deny it to myself anymore. It's unfair - a huge part of my life has been focused on clamming myself from the world, afraid to hurt the way I did when I lost my father; and now that I've learned to open up again, Snow is trying to take it away from me. Nothing seems to go right. I'm certain that I will not be able to handle losing Peeta all the more now that I'm sure of my love. He may not know it yet, but that may well be for the better. If there's any chance for me to get him out of here, I need to keep him in the dark, sure that it will be easier for him to let me go if he doesn't learn of the depth of my emotions.

"Katniss?" A soft voice beside me says. It's a bit more subdued than I've ever heard him, even back in the arena. I struggle to gulp back the lump forming on my throat so that I can look at him steadily.

"You're awake." I answer, coming up with a small smile. I continue caressing his face, inspecting his features for any sign that he's about to let go. "How are you coming along with the pain?"

"I can manage." He replies, capturing my hand so he can plant a light kiss there.

"You must be hungry." I say, moving towards the plate of food that the Peacekeeper left there. Peeta tightens his grip on my hand, preventing me from moving.

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat."

"I don't think I can."

"Well at least try!" I say loudly before biting my lip. There, I lost my temper again. Peeta doesn't deserve to be snapped at. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. But Peeta, please. I'll feel more comfortable when you have some food in you."

Peeta sighs. "I'm sorry. I don't want to eat. Maybe some water?"

I grab the cup before carefully placing it on his lips. He drinks the water in small sips, but I managed to make him empty the cup. At least this will prevent him from dehydrating. I settle the cup beside the plate again and lie down beside him so that he won't exert too much effort in speaking.

"I'm happy to be beside you." He whispers suddenly.

I'm so taken aback by his words that the tears start brimming my eyes, and it's a little to late when I realize this. Unlike me, Peeta has been very open with his feelings ever since he was able to admit it to me. "Shhh." Peeta coos. "I'm fine, Katniss."

This angers me. How can he be so selfless even at this point? He's almost dying _again, _and as usual, it's all because of me. "Don't lie to me, Peeta. I know you're not fine."

"It's the same thing with you, isn't it? We're even."

I stare at him for a long time, knowing that what he said is true. I lied to him so many times in the past few days, not even letting him help me. But that was different. _I _can still act normal; he can't.

My lack of response triggers a small smile from Peeta. "There's no point in hiding things from each other now, right?"

I feel a strange sense of deja vu. Somehow, I remember that he said something along those lines during our Victory Tour, after he found out that Haymitch and I kept Snow's visit from him. He seems to make the connection to as he smiles at me after.

"There isn't." I answer willingly. If anything, Peeta reminded me that we already promised to be true to each other. And I have to do just that... for the most part, anyway.

"I suppose I can make you tell me now what they really did to you?"

I look at my hands for a long time before I speak up, still avoiding his gaze. "They... put me in a tube. Every time Snow asks me something and I'm not able to give him an answer, the gas starts leaking in." I risk one glance at him and immediately regret it. His eyes have grown hard and steely, a look I've only seen once before.

"Gas... like the one in the arena?" He concludes. I nod. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because... because I don't want you to get involved. I don't want them to do that to you, but I guess I was so wrong. I'm so sorry, Peeta. I failed to protect you." The tears begin to flow endlessly.

Peeta looks at me with wide eyes, all the while holding both my hands in an attempt to soothe me. "You didn't have to protect me Katniss. We promised that we'll go through this together, remember?" I nod again. "That's what we're going to do. We're a team."

I stare down at our intertwined hands to hide the pain in my eyes. He can't see the look of guilt there, especially not now that I'm all set on the plan to get him out of here. He needs to live.

My lack of response doesn't seem to make him suspicious. He must be so used to it by now that he doesn't even acknowledge it as something to be worried about. Which is a good thing for my part.

"The gas... they don't cause blisters?" He asks hesitantly.

I let out a small huff, scowling again as I vividly remember how it feels. "It did. But then, out of goodwill, they also poured salt water on me from the top of the tube so that I'm practically doused in it."

This time, his lack of reaction gets me worried. I look at his face and see the contempt there. Peeta looks... scary; something that I never expected from him. It's a far cry from the patient, understanding, and endlessly kind Peeta that's always present. He grips my hands tighter. "You will not lie to me again about what they're doing to you, okay?"

We stare at each other before I reluctantly agree. I promised no to lie if they _did _something to me, not if we _talked _about something. It's a conditional promise, one that I can keep as long as he's safe. I can only pray that he'll forgive me someday for this, and understand why I chose the decisions that I made.

* * *

_**(Author's note) **_

_**Thank you for taking the time to read my story. But... Reviews, please. :( Thank you to James018 for the comment and to everyone who added this story to their followed/favorite stories. **_

_**Please please please, I really need your comments. Thank you! **_


	5. Deals with the enemy

_"Trust, Ms. Everdeen. We agreed not to lie to each other, didn't we?"_

_"When will he be released?" I ask._

_"In due time."_

* * *

**CHAPTER 4**

* * *

**GALE**

"There are still no news on the captured victors."

Boggs' words run repeatedly through my head as I walk through the vibrant Capitol forest. Since overthrowing Snow and the failed rescue mission in the arena, my mind had been constantly in turmoil. The forest has been my only refuge.

Back at home, this had been Katniss and I's shared safe haven. Ironically, it's the place where everyone else feared, but for the two of us, it's the place where we feel most at ease. We've scoured the depths of the forest in District 12 so much that we've known it with so much familiarity. It is also the reason why Katniss and I have the tight bond that we have - how we know how the other functions even without speaking, and how we are able to perform tasks successfully with very minimal communication. The forest has steadily provided us with food for our families and the security to speak things that we can not dare say anywhere else. Being surrounded by the greens and the teeming sounds of life contributes to that comfort for hunters like us.

That precisely is the reason why the first thing I looked for after departing that hovercraft is the forest. The Capitol has its own; but just like everything else here, it's much too _bright, _making me question how much of it is real. I've seen some of the known Capitol muttations around, like the jabberjays and the tracker jackers.

The downside to these trips, however, is that it emphasizes my longing for Katniss. I've been so used to having her beside me in the forest, that walking through it alone leaves a sharp tug in my chest, almost making me feel like I lost a part of me. But I continue doing it anyway, because there's nowhere else left to go that could give me calmness, no matter how limited.

It has been three days since we came back from District 1. The mission there has been fast and easier than expected. Despite being known as a Capitol puppet, majority of the population still chose to surrender. I'm guessing that this has something to do with the fact that all the districts except 1 and 2 have sided with the rebels, and fearing that they are on the minority side, District 1 chose to flip their alliance. It's a game of survival - loyalty means so little to them. I devoted myself to the mission in hopes that Coin will fill her side of the bargain once I do my task seamlessly. But of course, for a woman like Coin, I should expect otherwise. She has been effectively avoiding me since we got back to the point that I'm planning to sneak into her office one day to confront her about it and force her to order the rescue mission on the spot.

_That can be done easily, _I think with satisfaction. No one here is able to come close to my stealth and the way I can create snares. Coin will be a _very _easy prey.

A sharp vibration on my left arm distracts me from my thoughts. I peek at the small device on my wrist - a communicuff, as they call it. It's something considered to be a privilege; I acquired the communicuff since joining the rebels. Apparently, they've seen my "potential", and I'm immediately included in the list of top-ranked men. I read the words flashing on its small screen.

_Meeting in Command._

I sigh. One of the advantages that I have since joining the rebels is having the title "Soldier", allowing me in on the planning and execution of the missions. But still, Coin has the final say in just about anything, even if it disagrees with the majority's opinion. It's dictatorship at it's finest, making her no different from Snow. I rush back to the direction of the mansion which the rebels have occupied as soon as Snow escaped. If there's anything good about this meeting, it's the fact that I can finally speak to Coin - and I don't intend to end this day without her promise of a rescue mission for Katniss.

* * *

I had walked deeper in the forest than I expected, so it took me ten minutes of full running before I reach Command. Surprisingly, I am not the last one to enter. Coin - the woman I've been _dying _to see since three days ago - is still nowhere to be found.

"Where's Coin?" I ask rather rudely to no one in particular.

The others seem unconcerned by the tone in my voice and the way I acknowledged the President's name.

"On her way." Haymitch replies.

I nod, satisfied with the knowledge that she's coming here, and proceed to take my seat beside Haymitch again. It is something that almost came as a shock to me - that the day would come that I'd see Haymitch as the person in this group that I can rely on the most. At least, when it comes to Katniss, we're on the same side.

"Been hunting?" Enobaria asks.

"More like planning how to isolate Coin." I answer flatly. I've never had problems socializing, but right now, I am in no mood for casual conversation. My muscles are all tensed at Coin's arrival. I struggle to keep still on my seat as I listen to the sound of footsteps outside the room. Enobaria senses this so she drops the small-talk immediately. The others also quiet down.

After nearly five minutes of this, Coin finally steps inside the room. I straighten in my seat immediately and stare at her. She doesn't acknowledge it.

"First of all, I would like to apologize to you for holding this meeting just now." Coin begins. "And I'd like you to know how pleased I am with the work you've done in District 1."

Loud cheers erupt in the room. I remain still, my eyes trained on her every movement.

"I'm expecting District 2 to be pacified soon. Once that is done, the new government can finally be officially established."

"What about the captured victors?" I interject. "When will you be sending a rescue team for them? Hell, we've waited for so long already!"

Coin finally turns her eyes on me. "Thank you for pointing that out, Soldier Hawthorne. I will be sending a group tomorrow to search all districts about Snow's whereabouts. Panem is a huge country; he can be hiding anywhere, even in districts we think we've occupied already."

"Good. How many will be in the mission?"

"I've asked Boggs to instruct five of our new soldiers to perform the task."

I glare at her. "Five new soldiers? That's stupid. It's a waste of time! Why not just send the entire team to look around?" The others nod in assent.

"Because you need to be in District 2. You still have an unfinished mission, Soldier Hawthorne."

"No. I'm not doing that until we get them back."

"Again, I'm not giving you an option, Soldier. It's too much waste of resources. We're almost short on manpower."

"I resist. You yourself pointed out that Panem is a huge country. Five people to roam the whole country will take so long!"

I don't expect the others to speak up, but Finnick surprisingly does. "She's right, President Coin. The captured victors' lives are as important as the mission in District 2, if not more. It's necessary to get them here as soon as possible, and the combined effort of the whole crew will be much more efficient."

Coin says nothing, so he continues. "Give us a week, President. If nothing comes out of it, then we'll do what you want."

I keep my lips tight, not wanting to interrupt. Finnick is obviously using his persuasion powers on Coin, and if this is what it takes to get her to agree to prioritize the rescue first, then I'll relent. A week is almost too short a period, but I'm prepared to maximize that allotted time if it comes down to it. After a moment of silence, Coin finally speaks up.

"Fine. One week, everyone. After that, we'll focus on District 2. Boggs, send me a detailed plan for the rescue mission tonight. Make sure that the districts will still be well-guarded against Snow."

President Alma Coin stalks out of the room immediately after.

* * *

**KATNISS**

The Peacekeeper comes back to our cell only a few minutes after Peeta fell asleep. I'm glad that he is because I don't want him to know about this. Somehow, it feels wrong to hide this from him when I promised him just minutes ago that we'll tell each other everything. But beyond my guilt, this is the one thing I've decided to keep to myself. _It's for his sake, _I reason. _It's the only way to keep him safe._

"The President wants to see you now." The Peacekeeper says as he unlocks our cell.

I nod and carefully disentangle myself from Peeta's arms. I don't want to wake him so I try to move as stealthily as possible. Thankfully, his eyes remain closed so I place a light kiss on his head as I slowly stand up. My shirt is now smeared with Peeta's blood but I don't want to go out in just my underclothes so I put it on despite the current state it is in. I find satisfaction in watching the Peacekeeper cringe slightly at my attire, so I'm actually smiling a bit as I hold out my hands for them to place my cuffs. I look at Peeta once more before heading out, praying that he won't wake up before I get back.

The walk towards Snow's room is already familiar to me after the numerous days I'm brought out. As we turn at the last corridor, I find myself holding my breath in anticipation of the nauseating smell of blood and roses that's so prominent in Snow's presence. The sensation triggers the same reaction in me - it still (successfully) makes me lightheaded, jumbles my thoughts, and brings discomfort, at the very least. I stop briefly outside the door to inhale what would the last comfortable air that my lungs will have for the next few minutes.

President Snow waits for me in the same room where he first interrogated Peeta and I. He watches me carefully as I make my way inside, stopping only a few feet away from him. The resentment flares wildly inside me, but I keep a stoic look because I can't afford to displease Snow right now.

"Sit down please, Ms. Everdeen." Snow says, gesturing at the chairs in front of me. "I believe we have a lot to discuss."

I slowly take my seat in front of him. "I believe we do."

He smiles at the acid in my voice. "How is Mr. Mellark doing?"

_Like as if you care. _"He's holding on." I answer. _Barely holding on._

"Glad to hear that. I'm afraid the Peacekeeper I assigned for the task had too much fun doing it."

I purse my lips together to stop the profanities from escaping and grip the edge of my seat tightly. I remain silent to keep my composure but Snow doesn't speak, as though waiting for me to react from his dubious comment.

_Patience, Katniss. Hold yourself together for Peeta._

"I'm just too happy that he stopped before it's too late." I finally manage to get out.

Snow appraises me, possibly surprised that I haven't snapped at him yet. If he heard what I shouted at him after Peeta's beating, he doesn't shpow it. His lips once again form into a tight smile. In my head, I imagine how satisfying it must be to shoot an arrow into _his _eyes...

"He has to thank you for that." Snow's voice interrupts my thoughts.

This time, it's my turn to be taken aback. My eyes roam over his face, trying to decide whether or not he's deliberately setting me over the edge. _He must be. He always is._

Sensing my mental debate, Snow continues. "I hope you weren't bluffing when you said you'll do _anything _to save him, Ms. Everdeen. I'm sure you know how easily I can instruct them to do it again, and in his case, he won't last very long anymore unlike last time."

"That won't be necessary." I answer acidly, matching his threat. "I don't intend to get back on my word."

"Good. I'm quite pleased that we've come to this arrangement so easily."

I keep my eyes locked to his as I say the next words. "I have a few requests, of course."

Snow raises his eyebrows, surprise evident on his face. "That depends on what you want. But go on. I want to hear what you have to say."

_It's all or nothing, _I remind myself. _This is probably the only chance I'll get._ "I want Peeta to get medicines. And I want him to be released without further punishments." Snow looks at me incredulously so I continue speaking immediately. "In turn, I'll cooperate. I'll answer everything you ask me to the best of my knowledge. I can't assure you that I know the answer to everything, but I may know a few things that may be useful to you."

I am lying about knowing things, but I hope Snow doesn't see through it. I've carefully thought of the things that I'll tell him if he agrees to my condition. Hopefully, Peeta will be free before Snow realizes my lies. I study him now as he takes in my words. Eventually, he speaks.

"It's a bit too much. I can give the medicines you desire."

I shake my head. "Please." It kills me to plead with him, but I won't back down now. Not with Peeta's life hanging in the line. "I want him released."

"Did the act finally catch up on you?" He smirks.

My fists clench into tight balls again as I remember how he threatened me to prove to him that I love Peeta. My actions now must be enough proof for him, but I refuse to let him take advantage of this.

"I care for him genuinely even then."

"I still don't see a good reason why I should release him, Ms. Everdeen."

_It is not a definite no, _I think to myself. Clinging to the small chance I have, I rush the words out before Snow can say anything else.

"Medicines will only get Peeta far. He needs real medical attention to survive. I'd be much more comfortable and cooperative in agreeing to your demands if I'm sure that he's okay." I reason out. But I know this is not enough, so I continue. "And Peeta does not know anything about the rebellion, President Snow. He was kept in the dark because he was much too civilized. He'll disagree with the rebels' plans, so he was kept out of it. You know the Capitol audience loves him a lot; if you let him go, you'll have better chances of gaining back their trust. He's not worth anything to you, President. He'll be much more valuable if you release him as it can help pacify the Districts to you."

I can see that Snow is taking my words seriously. I watch him nervously as he thinks of a decision. I count down the seconds to stop myself from panicking. When he remains locked in place after a minute, I find it harder and harder to control my thoughts. I begin thinking of alternatives to get Peeta out of here. _Lately, I realize that the Peacekeper has been more relaxed whenever he comes inside our cell to bring food. Perhaps I can knock him unconscious, steal his weapons and keys, and try to escape..._

"I think we can work on that." I suddenly hear him say.

I blink from my stupor, unsure if my mind is that making that up. My face must betray my thoughts because Snow chuckles.

"I agree with your requests, Ms. Everdeen. I'll have the Peacekeepers hand him the medicine, and I'll arrange for them to drop Peeta at the rebels' camp. I assume you want this done soon?"

I struggle to stay still. _Snow said yes. Peeta will be free!_ It's more than surprising that Snow will easily agree to my requests, so I wait for the worst. Surely, he's planning something behind all these.

"Thank you, that's very generous of you. Yes, I want him released as soon as possible. But what will this cost me?"

Snow laughs. "Ms. Everdeen, I'm agreeing because of your promise to give me information. But of course, without Peeta here, I won't be able to punish him anymore. I still haven't forgiven him for that stunt he did at your interview before the Quell. But since you said you'll do _anything _for him, I assume it's okay for you to take the tortures meant for him?"

Even with the threat of an additional torture, I still find it unbelievable that he'll agree so easily but I decide to let it pass.

"Yes, I'm okay with it." It's odd to agree to my eventual demise, but this is the best thing I can offer for Peeta. I've accepted my fate already, anyway. And death will be so much better than to face my cell alone, not to mention the impending tortures.

"How will I know if he has really been released?"

Snow smiles. "Trust, Ms. Everdeen. We agreed not to lie to each other, didn't we?"

"When will he be released?" I ask.

"In due time."

"I won't speak until he has been released." I say defiantly.

"Oh, I've already concluded that part, Ms. Everdeen. We've made a deal; you're free to go back to your cell now." He tells me dismissively. I am about to turn away from him when I hear him speak again. "Just remember: we agreed to be honest with each other. Once I find out that you're not taking that agreement seriously..." He says, pausing in that word as he walks up from his desk and stands directly in front of me. "...I expect you to know the repercussion of your actions. And this time, it won't be just Peeta."

The implication of his parting words is clear. My breathing hitch in the strangest manner; my heartbeat pulsating wildly as I struggle to stay on my feet. But Snow can't see any sign of weakness in me now, so I keep my gaze locked in his and my posture straight.

"I won't break any deals." I answer stiffly before hurrying out of the room, unable to remain calm anymore. The smell of blood and roses threaten to engulf me any moment, so I launch myself outside before I do something stupid. My mind has become a jumbled mess so I try to lay it out one by one.

First, Snow agreed to give Peeta medicines and to release him from captivity. Second, I need to give him information about the rebels' plans. Third, I will be receiving more tortures. And fourth, all hell will break loose on Peeta and everyone else I care about once Snow finds out that I'm lying to him.

I suddenly find myself in a delicate situation where numerous lives depend on my ability to lie. _Can I do it? __I have to, there is no other way and it's too late to back-out now. _Anyone who knows me keep on saying that I suck at it; now is the time that I hope more than ever that they're wrong. _I'm going to prove them wrong. I will lie flawlessly in front of Snow, and I'm going to do this to the best of my abilities. Even if it means my own life._

* * *

We reach my cell at the same time that these thoughts cross my mind. I breathe a sigh of relief as I saw Peeta still huddled on the ground, oblivious to the fact that I left. I rush back to him in an instant, bringing my body carefully back to the warmth of his arms. He fidgets slightly, tightening his arms around my waist. I smile and twist sideways so that I'm facing him and brush the few wisps of hair in his face. Once again, I am taken aback by the intensity of emotions that run through me - the extreme need to protect him and the equally powerful desire to have him beside me all the time. Those two, however, don't go hand in hand in this situation. I know that I'll always pick the first no matter what, so I try to take in all of him as much as I can before we get separated for good.

"I love you," I whisper again. The word still seems foreign in my tongue, but my heart reacts strongly to it. I am so engrossed in the feeling that I don't realize - as I should have - the subtle change in his breathing; and suddenly, I am faced by those beautiful blue eyes that gave me hope for many years now.

The only thing I can do is to stare back at him with wide eyes as I realize that I just did the stupidest thing in my life.

* * *

We stare at each other for a while: both of us with our eyes wide, but his blue ones definitely reflect some sort of happiness. I try to stare him down as my vain attempt of making him think that I did not say that, but I know it's quite pointless. My tongue got caught in my throat though; I can't seem to think of a witty statement to cover up for that one.

_Tick, tock._

"Did I really hear you say that or was that just a figment of my dream?" He asks me softly.

_So he's considering it, _I muse to myself. _Of course, he is. _I bet that was the last thing that Peeta would have expected to hear from me, and I suddenly feel a bit guilty myself when I realize how hopeless I must have made him feel regarding our relationship. I have never been good with words and feelings - a fact that he and everybody else knows so well - but still, for him to consider questioning reality... I must have done a pretty good job in closing myself from him. This made me feel even worse about myself.

I look deeply into the eyes of this boy who has offered me so much, yet received so little in return. Even so, not once did he hesitate to put his neck on the line for me, even after all the pain I have caused him. This just supports my defense about keeping him in the dark regarding that deal with Snow. Peeta is deserving of this life more than any of us will ever be.

Life seems to be playing a cruel joke on me. I've avoided loving somebody else outside my family so that I can prevent myself from getting hurt. But Peeta proved to me time and time again that he's worthy of that affection, and my fears and stubbornness only hurt both of us. But we will never get that happy ending because I'll die here in this cell, while Peeta will (hopefully) be alive and free.

Should I tell him? _Can I? Is it fair for him to know that I love him too - only to end up losing me? _Because I'm certain that that's where this is ending. I know that there's nothing more that could make Peeta happy than my statement of love... but won't that only break him further? Isn't it better to just leave him clueless, so that in time, he'll be able to find that girl who can give her heart openly to him? I've done so little to make him feel loved, or even cared for. He deserves so much more than someone like me.

It won't be difficult for Peeta to find that girl. There will be plenty who would willingly offer those feelings to him, someone who could love and care for him more than I will ever be capable of. I suddenly find myself imagining that girl. The anger that accompanies my thoughts surprises me yet again. I _don't _want him with someone else, and I want that person who will be with him for the rest of his life to be _me. _The rational part of my mind tells me that that's completely unfair, but another part of me - one that has been concealed for so long - screams that I can't let him have somebody else.

Haymitch is right. I can live a thousand times and never deserve this boy.

This jealousy, however, fuels me to tell him the truth. _Why deny him the opportunity to be happy? And isn't it better for him to at least know that his attempts with me weren't futile? That this relationship is not just an act for me? That I truly, deeply, care for him in the same way that he does for me?_

I speak the words out before I can even stop myself.

"It's real, Peeta."

His eyes widen even more, but this time, they sparkle with such intensity that the blue becomes even more alive. He lips stretch to a huge grin, and I can't help but smile back in return. I press my face closer to his to kiss him softly but passionately. I immediately feel that hunger that overtook me once in the cave and in the beach, but I force myself to lean back so that I can study his features.

"Wow." He finally says. "I can't believe it..."

I notice tears glistening in his eyes. Seeing him this happy - it compares to nothing else in this world.

"I can't believe it either." I reply, laughing lightly.

"When..." He trails off, unsure of how to ask me.

"When did I realize that?" I finish for him. He nods. "Just recently, actually. But I think I've been feeling that for a long time already, even in the first Games though it's not as prominent as it is now. I've just been holding out on myself because I'm so scared, Peeta. I'm terrified that I'll lose you just as I've lost my father, and I don't think I can take that."

He's quiet for a while as he processes what I just told him. I focus on trying to steady my breathing - my response to his question has been the most honest I have ever been to anyone, even to myself. I try to think of the reason why I'm suddenly ignoring my inhibitions. Maybe this is death does to people; it forces one to be honest and more in touch with emotions.

If Peeta's surprised with my sudden honesty, he doesn't make a big deal out of it. I thank him for that; somehow, he knows exactly how to react to all of my qualms.

"You do know that I'll jump up and down right now if I can, right?"

I nod sheepishly at him.

"But since I can't... I'll settle on having this huge grin on my face all day."

This time, I'm unable to hold back the laughter that's bubbling inside me as I take in his giddy expression. He continues speaking after we have both sobered up.

"Thank you for telling me this." He says as he strokes my face gently. His face is unable to lose that bright expression even as his tone grows serious. "I know it's hard for you to open up like that, and I'm so so so ecstatic right now. But Katniss... if we make it out of this place, I promise you that I won't make you regret telling me. I'll do everything I can to show you how happy I am that you accepted my feelings, and that you feel the same way. I love you so much, Katniss. I'll do everything for you."

I smile, one hundred percent sure that he's telling the truth and that he means every word. But there's also an accompanying ache that I can't quite shake off. Peeta is still hoping that we'll both get out of this place, and I just removed every chance of that happening by making that deal with Snow. The worst part is that I wanted that future he's creating - now that I'm acknowledging these emotions, I desperately want to know how it will feel like to be with him once we're free. I suddenly feel like I'm betraying him by not telling him about that deal and making him go off without me, and I almost tell him about it.

But I shouldn't.

Instead, I reply with something that's equally true but totally evasive of the path our conversation has taken. "I know that. It's the reason why I opened up in the first place; I know that I can trust you."

The grin returns on his face. "That's good to hear."

We lay in silence afterwards, enveloped by the comfort that for now, we still have each other. When I hear footsteps approaching, I automatically freeze in his arms. Of course, even in his state, Peeta will still find it his job to comfort me by tracing soothing patterns on my back and tightening his grip on me.

The Peacekeeper now stands outside our cell, making no move to take out the keys like he normally does.

"President Snow wanted this delivered tonight."

I whip my head around to see him holding a box. _Peeta's medicine!_ Eagerly, I stand up and step forward to take the package from his arms and I return back to Peeta with renewed hope on my face. The Peacekeeper leaves without a word.

"What is it?"

I realize now the mistake that I did; the importance of keeping up the act of now knowing that he will be freed soon. Peeta will understandably be confused about the package, and my enthusiasm is barely helping me.

"Uhm..." I stammer as I set down the package and open it. There are two boxes inside; one containing an ointment for cuts and the other one containing a medicine for his fever. Snow also took it upon himself to give us new clothes- two identical plain white shirts are included in the package. _He must have been revolted too, _I think with satisfaction.

"It's medicine for you." I answer in the calmest voice I can muster, hoping fervently that Peeta will not see through my lies as he normally does. "And he also sent us new clothes."

Peeta still looks skeptical. "Why will he do that? Did you and President Snow talk?"

I raise my eyebrows to show surprise. _Damn it, why do you have to be so perceptive? _"No. I'm also surprised that he sent this."

"It's just weird." He continues.

"It is. But I'm not complaining if it's something good for you." I say, opening the lid of the medicine and applying the ointment on his back immediately. I need to stop him from talking now; I don't know how long I can keep up the lies without him knowing. The sound of relief that escapes from his lips as the ointment touches his skin makes me smile despite the pressure.

"It's like the burn medicine I got in the arena." I tell him, amazed and surprised that Snow will give me such a powerful medicine. I was expecting him to keep his side of the deal, but I did not expect that he will give me the _best _medicine for Peeta's case. It's a high price to pay. "Your cuts look so much better now."

"It feels like it." Peeta answers me, his voice devoid of the pain that's present just a few minutes ago. "I can barely feel the pain now."

"That's good." I reply, continuing to gently apply the ointment on his back.

"Katniss, are you sure that you did no speak to President Snow?"

My hands freeze on his back and I make the mistake of looking at him because his blue eyes are staring intently on mine. _More lies, _I think. _I'm so sorry, Peeta._

"Of course not. And come on, Peeta. Do you think he'll agree to give me this medicine if I asked him for it? I highly doubt that."

"I guess so." He says, but there are still traces of doubt in his voice. I breathe a sigh of relief when he doesn't push the topic further.

"Here, take this." I tell him, handing him a small capsule and the cup of water. Peeta carefully pushes himself to a sitting position and takes his seat beside me before drinking the medicine.

"It's almost like the arena again." He notes.

"Yeah... That time in the cave." I say, smiling at Peeta. _Too bad we can't kill the Peacekeepers here. I would, if I_ _could. _I snuggle closer to him and set my head on his shoulder, relaxing in the warmth that he offers me. It's something I'm sure I'll sorely miss - Peeta's presence is like a calming drug to me, and his touch is the only thing that's able to fend off the nightmares that regularly hunt me. When he's free... there will be nothing left to keep me together. _But at least he's safe, _I think to myself. _I'll gladly take the sacrifice of breaking apart if that means that he's unharmed.  
_

"We're a team then, just as we are now." Peeta states, as though reading my thoughts and he's trying to stop me from doing it.

"Yeah, we are." I murmur. "And nothing's gonna stop us from protecting each other."


	6. Anchor

**CHAPTER 5**

**ANCHOR**

* * *

_"Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true / Here is the place where I love you."_

* * *

**PEETA**

Hearing Katniss declare her feelings has given me a renewed sense of hope. It is something that I've waited for for more than a decade now, so I refuse to let it go to waste. My mind soured all possibilities for us to get out of here, and I've come down to 3 options: (1) I try to reason with President Snow and hope that he'll release us immediately; (2) Pray that the rebels would be able to locate us soon; or (3) Forge a deal with Snow to release Katniss.

I have accepted the fact that the first one is highly unlikely to happen. I doubt that Snow will ever do that, especially since we're his leverage against the rebels. The second one has a 50:50 chance - the rebels may or may not be looking for us, and even then, it may take some time for them to locate us. I have a feeling that Snow brought us to an isolated area, especially after what he told us about the rebels invading the capitol.

So that leaves me with the third option, which is the least favorable to me because that will require our separation. But if it comes down to it, I know that I will not hesitate. Katniss's safety has always been my priority, and now that I know how she feels about me, I'll fight for whatever future we can have together.

Katniss has been constantly worrying about me since the whipping. The medicines brought in by the Peacekeeper days ago has been tremendously helpful; Katniss says that the cuts have all closed down while my fever has been gone after my first drink of the medicine. Up to now I'm still doubting the real reason why those were sent. I've never known Snow for a man who would do something and reverse it, which is why I'm very suspicious that Katniss has something to do with it. She, however, has been very adamant that she didn't talk to Snow.

But her eyes tell a different story, that's why I fear even more what could possibly happen next.

We spend the days and nights wrapped up in each other's arms, guarding each other from impending dangers and keeping the nightmares away. Maybe this is what's destined for the two us - to be beside each other as we face terrifying ghosts and ward off all kinds of threat. We are two pieces of a puzzle that fit well together. One's incomplete without the other.

* * *

Our nightmare comes to life a few days later. Katniss and I are immediately fully alert when we hear more than the usual one pair of footsteps. We look at each other in fear - _who could it be now?_ - and stand up in a defensive stance while holding each other's hands.

Three Peacekeepers stride purposefully inside our cell. I immediately spot the manacles that one is holding, so I position myself in front of Katniss. One smirks as he sees my actions.

"Peeta, no." I hear her whisper.

"Stay there, Katniss." I whisper back. My eyes are now trained on the Peacekeepers who are moving towards us.

I don't know if it's the tone of my voice or the fierce concentration that I have right now - maybe it's a little of both - but for the first time, Katniss Everdeen does not object to press her point.

The Peacekeepers waste no time as they immediately grab hold of my arm and drags me back towards the metal railings. I easily sense that something is amiss. _Why are they tying me here, where it would no doubt be difficult to do any sort of punishment?_

The answer comes to me at the same time that I spot the men dragging Katniss backward. She looks bewildered, but seems to understand that the punishment will come to her. By this time, the Peacekeeper has already cuffed my hands on the metal railings. I try to free my hands, but to no avail. My feet are also cuffed to the rail, and a gag is placed on my mouth, effectively preventing me from talking.

"No!" I shout. The word comes out muffled and barely understandable, and the Peacekeepers merely ignore me. Fear settles in every bone of my body. _Please don't hurt Katniss, _I chant in my head. I can't bear the thought of Katniss experiencing what I've been through. _  
_

_But they don't have a whip. __So what are they going to do to her?_

As if hearing my thoughts, one of the Peacekeepers - a tall, skinny man with blonde hair - roughly shoves Katniss on the wall facing me. I wince as I see her face scrunch up at the impact.

"Enjoy the show, Peeta. This one is especially for you." He says, looking at me with a sneer on his face.

My muscles tense. I desperately want to spit on his face; tackle him on the ground for wanting to hurt the woman I love. _But there's no way out._ And it makes me feel so useless.

The other Peacekeeper - a man with sallow skin and bright, green eyes - holds Katniss's hands, pinning them on the wall, while Blondie draws his face closer to hers. Surprisingly, Katniss does not put up a fight, but instead looks at them squarely in the eye - her shoulders stiff, her jaw set tight. I've seen that kind of concentration from her many times in the arena, and it fears me to see it now. There's also confusion in her grey eyes - indicating that she's also baffled as to what kind of torture will come to her.

It comes to us clearly in just a matter of seconds. Blondie and Green-eyes holds Katniss's arms as the third Peacekeeper - with a very muscled frame that looks like he could throw a truck with one arm - inches towards her and rips open her shirt. The tattered shirt falls limply to her sides, exposing her underclothes.

My eyes widen. _They can't be doing that... can they? No, please no. _I tug against the handcuffs, causing them to rattle, but they still don't budge. I try again - all to no avail. My subconscious notes a sensation of something trickling from my wrists, but I ignore it. I am focused solely on Katniss.

"Stop it!" I shout at them. Again, my words end up being unintelligible, but I don't stop. They _have _to hear me out. "Don't do that to her! I'll kill all of you!"

Muscle Man looks at me, excitement evident in his face. "Stop trying to talk, Mellark. There's nothing you can do to stop this. So just enjoy the show, okay?"

"I'll kill you!" I say again. He laughs at my attempts before turning back to Katniss. Her eyes are wide from surprise, but she stays still even as the man presses his body against hers.

"Katniss, fight them back!" I try again. Her head whips to me, and in the brief moment that our eyes meet, I see the fear reflected in hers. _Katniss wouldn't submit herself to them without a fight, right?_

Muscle Man dips his mouth into Katniss's neck, grabbing her hair and pulling it to the side as he does so to give him better access. I shout angrily from my position, the tears starting to form on my eyes. _Why isn't she resisting?_

_Because they can easily kill her, dummy._ Katniss is outnumbered - she stands no chance against them.

The Peacekeeper seems pleased that Katniss is being very cooperative. His hands trail down the length of her body and rests idly on the hem of her pants. I keep pushing against my restraints, ignoring the pain on my wrists and ankles that's becoming more prominent. I can't stop and do nothing. I have to keep trying, just like Katniss did when I was being whipped. _  
_

Blondie and Green-eyes push Katniss towards the floor, forcing her to lie face-down on the floor. They resume holding her arms again as Muscle Man rips her trousers off. I shout even louder.

I can't stomach seeing Katniss exposed and vulnerable like this. They're demeaning her with this punishment, and she can't even fight for herself because it would mean her instant death.

_I'll kill all of these bastards._

Green-eyes flips Katniss on her back. I grip my fists tightly when I see them smile darkly. Katniss's face remains impassive. My eyes remain locked on her face, but out of the corner of my eye, I see Muscle Man undoing his zipper and exposing his erect manhood. I push harder against the restraints as I watch him caress her face and grip her hair tightly.

"Now honey, you've been very good, yes? Remain that way and pleasure me with your mouth." He says. I see the flicker of panic in her eyes as she hears his words, but she isn't able to act against it as he immediately forces her jaw open and thrusts himself into her mouth.

I barely have time to shout curses at him because all of a sudden, he's jumping up and down the room, shouting different kinds of profanities that I was supposed to direct at him. I hesitantly look down his body and see that his shaft has a bright, red blood in it.

I can only form one conclusion from this: _Katniss bit_ _him_.

I stifle the grin that's threatening to form on my lips. They'll surely punish her for that, but biting him _there _is a good enough form of vengeance.

The two Peacekeepers push Katniss hard against the ground. If they're smart, they'll know better than to force themselves into her mouth.

"Bitch!" He screams as he returns back to her and slaps her. "You'll pay for that!"

Muscle Man moves towards me and punches me in the gut then knees me in the groin. I can hear Katniss's terrified scream as I simultaneously shout through the accompanying pain. Fortunately, it's obvious that he's still in too much pain to throw punches with the force I think he acquires. The one he gave me is not too strong, but it still hit home. "Hurt me instead, stop doing that to Katniss!" I tell them.

He turns towards her again, and through the blinding pain, I can see the panic in her eyes. "You try to do that to any one of us again, and your lover boy will suffer the consequences." He says through gritted teeth.

"You do it." He tells Green-eyes, positioning himself on her side to clamp her down.

"No no no no no no no!" I shout repetitively at them. Green-eyes eagerly positions himself in front of her and removes all of Katniss's underclothes. She is now completely exposed to all of us in this room. Through my shouts of desperation, I can hear her silent whimper as they begin taking her innocence. Katniss struggles, but the two men clamping her down prevents her from breaking free.

"Stop moving!" Muscle Man shouts at her and bangs her head on the floor. "Try resisting and we'll hurt your dearest Peeta."

"Katniss, don't worry about me! Break free!"

But she didn't. Her fear that I will be tortured again is undeniably the best weapon that they have against her, and they know it. I have never felt this worthless. _They_ are raping Katniss in front of me and there's not a damned thing I can do about it.

_These bastards will pay for this, I'll make sure of that._

Katniss starts to get teary-eyed. She still tries to wriggle free from their grip, but her resistance is not as strong as it was before. The three Peacekeepers smile.

Green-eyes begin fondling her breasts and lowers his mouth to suck on her nipples. Katniss whimpers again, the tears sliding down her cheeks. The Peacekeeper however, mistakes her whimper as a sound of pleasure.

"That's it honey, go on. Moan for me."

I can barely see her through my tears. _This is my fault, _I think to myself. _Katniss shouldn't have loved me. She wouldn't be in this position if she didn't. __  
_

Or would she? I vaguely remember that time in the first and second arena, where she desperately tried to save me even if she's still doesn't feel the same way for me. Katniss has a protective nature, and she'll go at great lengths to prevent other people from hurting. She is that unselfish.

_Why do I keep on failing her? Why can't I be strong enough to protect her from these things? _My heart sinks. I will never be good enough for her,

"Katniss! Stop touching her, perverts!"

Green-eyes' hands travel from her breasts down to her hips, testily staying there for a minute. Katniss squirms under his touch and tries to move away from it. Satisfied, his fingers trail down to her crotch.

"Please, don't." She whimpers, her voice breaking from the tears.

They ignore her. Green-eyes frees his fully erect penis and positions himself in front of her.

"Come on honey, moan for me."

I thrash hard against the metal railings, willing them to break as I do so.

"No..." Katniss whispers.

The Peacekeeper then pounds himself hard into her. Katniss bites her lip and closes her eyes tightly, the tears continuing to fall rapidly. I shout louder, this time letting the profanities out of me. Green-eyes continue pounding into Katniss, throwing his head back slightly and gripping her breasts as he waits for his climax. The others cheer him on.

"Oh yes!" Green-eyes moans loudly. "God, Katniss, you're so delicious."

All of a sudden, he stiffens and stops with the pounding, his lips sucking her breasts again. His body is shaking slightly - a clear sign that he has reached his peak. He removes himself from her with a satisfied smirk on his face and zips up his fly.

Blondie speaks up. "My turn now!"

And the entire process repeats again - me trying to be free of my restraints and steadily shouting profanities at them; Katniss laying still with her eyes closed and with tears flowing continuously; and the men climaxing into her. Muscle Man is still probably in too much pain as he doesn't even try to enter her with his manhood. Instead, he settles on sticking his fingers into her, smirking at Katniss's obvious discomfort.

The Peacekeepers head out of our cell after all of them had been satisfied. Katniss is left lying limply on the floor, not even bothering to cover her up.

A low voice brings another shock to me.

"Consider that as your punishment for lying about her pregnancy, Mr. Mellark."

_President Snow._

Of course. The men will operate under his instructions. _  
_

I feel myself finally being freed of the restraints. I don't bother to look at them. I rush to Katniss's side, picking up her tattered shirt and carefully wipe the sweat away from her face, her body, her thighs. _Especially _her thighs, which is also partially drenched with the Peacekeepers' semen. I remove my own shirt and dress her in it, being careful not to touch her breasts. I ease her underwear into her again, followed by her trousers. When she's fully dressed, I take the time to look at her face, gently holding it in between both of my hands. Her eyes has a lifeless stare in them, and I can't stop the aching in my chest as she continues to stare numbly into me. She doesn't cry anymore, but seeing the life drained out of her is even more terrifying for me.

It's my fault that she has been subjected into _that. _Snow said so himself. What was meant to be an act to save her from going back into the arena has been used against her. _All because of me._

"Katniss..." I whisper, my voice tearing up. "I'm so sorry."

There's no way for me to ever take back what happened to her, and I doubt that she'll ever forget it. _So what can I do to save her, to bring her back up again? _Katniss has never been trusting of anyone, and I wasted what she gave me because of my foolishness and stupid belief that _I _can outsmart Snow. _What I would do to turn back time..._

Katniss still doesn't answer. I press her gently to my chest and slowly rock her back and forth, letting my own tears fall. _What have I done?_

We are two broken pieces of a puzzle. Irreparably wounded by Snow. _How can I make her whole again?_

* * *

**KATNISS**

_Rape._

I have been raped not by one bastard, but three.

Somehow, in the middle of it all, I stopped crying. Because crying shows weakness, and I don't want them to see that they succeeded in breaking me apart.

I am comfortably settled against Peeta's chest, his arms wrapped protectively around me. The slow, rocking movement that he's doing is mildly soothing, but it's barely enough to make me forget.

I am _filthy._

How can Peeta still stay with me after all that he has seen? I am not worthy of him or anybody else because I now a filthy woman. Not pure. Raped. Used.

I can feel the stinging ache in between my legs, but I ignore it. I don't really care about the pain. I shied away from all forms of intimacy and emotional attachment to other people other than family, but after that realization of my love for Peeta, I _knew _that if there's someone who I'd want to be intimate with, it's _him. _Only him.

But now, Snow took that away from me. From us. That bastard tricked me. I agreed to take the tortures meant for Peeta - but _rape? _He punished both of us - me by taking away my dignity, and Peeta by making him see that.

_That bastard will pay. And those three pigs - I'll kill them when I get the chance._

I remember looking into Peeta in the midst of it all. Seeing the pain and fear in his eyes is unbearable. I know he's wondering why I didn't fight them, but I really can't tell him the reason, can I? That I have to force myself to accept what came to me because it's part of the deal with Snow, and that I can't jeopardize that because it's my only chance, my only hope of getting him out of here alive. I _tried _to resist, because the mere thought of what was happening is much too revolting.

As soon as I lay limp on the ground and stopped trying to be touched by those monsters, my mind just withdrew from everything else. I floated and imagined being back in my meadow. I successfully ignore the physical pain. Eventually, even that disappeared, and all that's left of me is my limp body. I overcame the torture. _Here in this world I created in my head, __I am free. _

_I wonder if Snow will stick with the deal. _Somehow, I find myself hoping otherwise, because then, I would have the liberty to smash those pigs' faces into the ground and pierce his eyes with my hands.

But the Peacekeeper - the huge one with exaggerated muscles - hurt Peeta. _Is that already considered a breach of the_ _agreement?_

Suddenly, I'm afraid to be left alone here. _If _Snow abides by the deal we made, that would mean that I will be left alone here. _What if it happens again? _I will resist, no doubt about that. But there's three of them...

_If only I have my bow and arrows with me, they'd be dead long before this has_ _happened. _I wish death would come to me fast as soon as Peeta's safely away from here. That way, I'll have my freedom, too.

My subconscious registers Peeta's voice in the background, but I can't focus on anything he's saying. I want to respond to him, tell him that everything will be fine soon, but I can't seem to find my voice. In fact, I can't seem to do anything other than to stare blankly at the hallway in front of us.

I have become a statue. An immobile Avox.

Hours seem to pass. Peeta stays up with me, I think, because the rocking movements never stop. My mind hazily remembers the time _after - _when Peeta was finally freed of his restraints and he rushed to me, covering my naked body. I feel so embarrassed and humiliated that he had to see me like that. I remember him wiping the sweat all over me, including my thighs which felt sticky after they did all those things to me. Probably with their seed...

_No. _

I snap back to reality at the thought. My head turns to face Peeta, who's eyes are red-rimmed. I can hear his voice now - he's actually singing.

"Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true / Here is the place where I love you."

It's the one I sang to Rue and Prim many times. The one that my father taught me. He's singing it for _me. _I feel my eyes tear up.

"Peeta..."

"Oh Katniss! I'm so terrified when you weren't speaking." He says, burying his face on my neck. I cringe unintentionally as I am immediately reminded of how the Peacekeeper kissed me there. Peeta realizes this as soon as he does it, his eyes wide with concern. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." I murmur, resting my head on his shoulder. His arms tighten around me in response. "It's not your fault."

"It is, Katniss!" He tells me angrily. "Snow said so himself. They punished me by using _you. _They did that to you because I lied about your pregnancy in the interview. I'm so sorry, Katniss. I'm stupid and selfish and useless. I wasn't even able to help you. I wasn't able to stop them! It's killing me, Katniss. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He murmurs his apology again and again.

I place a finger on his lip to stop me from talking. I keep my head rested on his shoulder because in here, I feel safe again.

"You couldn't do anything about it, Peeta. And I like what you did at the interview."

"No, Katniss. I don't deserve you." He argues in an anguished tone.

"Please don't say that. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you." I whisper. "I'm filthy, Peeta."

The tears that stopped flowing long ago burst out now. I sob into his chest, soaking his body with my tears. He lets me release it, just holding me silently and murmuring a soft, cooing sound.

"I don't... I don't deserve you. I'm dirty. I... I wanted... wanted only you to do that... but... they took it away!" I whisper as I sob uncontrollably.

Peeta stops moving. "You're not filthy, Katniss. Yes, they disgraced you, but that doesn't stop me from loving you. I love you, okay? Nothing can change that."

I sob even harder at his words. Peeta's unconditional love is something unparalleled.

"What if... what if I get pregnant, Peeta? I don't...want their child growing in me."

"I know, Katniss..." He whispers. "If that happens, I'll support you, whatever decision you make. I'll understand. If you want to keep it, then I'll love it as if it were my own. If you decide to get rid of it, then I'll hold your hand and still love you the same way. I'll be with you whichever way you want to go to."

I don't doubt the sincerity of his words; I know that that's exactly what will happen. _How did a man like Peeta come to love a girl like me? _

"I don't deserve you." I repeat again. It's true. Peeta is way too good for me, which is why I made that deal with Snow in the first place. If any of us has to live, it _needs _to be him.

"I'll say the same, but we'll never stop arguing."

So instead, we settle into a comfortable silence. I fall asleep a few times, but nightmares overcome me every single time. I wake up screaming even more violently than before, but Peeta's there to hold me, to keep me calm and safe. He's my anchor.

I'll completely float away into oblivion without him.


End file.
